The United Kingdom D.O.T. and Port Authority
Code: Section 220.3
Subject: Band Van Rentals - Standard Operating Procedures
Helpful Hints:
- Always begin your journey One Hour late, as to institute an air of tension.
- With passengers in place and engine started, grind several of the gears
to assure that teeth are present on each one.
Driving Procedures:
- From a standing Start, rev engine and 'pop' clutch. Repeat in all forward
gears.
- When overtaking another vehicle, or approaching an intersection, accelerate
hard then brake sharply three times.
- Upon entering all roundabouts, look right and accelerate into, and out
of curves. All the while, making sure to 'whip it good' to the other side
and off the curbing, when the turn is completed.
- Backing into Load In/Load Out docks: With van in reverse, 'pop' clutch
and hit brake hard. Repeat until desired position is reached, close to the
dock.
- All maneuvers are best performed while exceeding speed limits, otherwise
one cannot guarantee passengers and cargo to be efficiently dislodged and
tossed about.
- Non-UK drivers are permitted only the first 200 miles for motoring down
the wrong side of the motorway.
Please note: The aforementioned procedures are designed to ensure that passengers
arrive with fear, trepidation and contempt for the driver, and if not 'Mad as
Hell' ... certainly in a 'Whiter Shade Of Pale' !
The United Kingdom D.O.T. and Port Authority
Band Van Rental Division